Week Nine
Memory is contained in a multitude of places, scent for me is significant.
I have a rather intense difficulty in remembering parts of my life, my childhood specifically, but even times from the last few years have been lost to me without pictures to remind me.
What I do often remember is smells, at least from some people.
I suppose I don’t remember the scent specifically, but when it appears, I get the reminder.
My late Grandmother had such a specific perfume, I couldn’t tell you what is was or even what it smells like, but when it comes around - I know it’s her.
I don’t search out for it, but coming across it feels so special and throws me back to them. There’s times when you know with people.
What they mean to you when you have someone and when you don’t.
I especially have a fondness for clothes that still hold peoples scents.
Anyways, I try to look to the people I feel closest to me and see who they are and how they are a reflection of me.
There’s a piece of myself found in those close for better or worse, whether I took a part of them in or they took a part of me.
Sticking with clothing for a moment, currently everything I’m wearing has been given to me or I took it (minus a few bits here and there).
My pants and bra are Jane’s. I have a pension for stealing her clothing particularly. Taking things from your partner feels like a love letter to what and who they are to you.
Other stolen items are my belt, ring, and shirt from Cat, my best friend. The two of reflect the other in often times covert ways but clothing is a more distinct way to understand us.
My jacket comes from another Jane, Cat’s Aunt. A woman that we now have a rocky relationship, but with the clothes she gave to me, I’m able to be back even for a moment to when everything was so lovely with her.
Lastly, my watch is my Father’s and another ring is my Mother’s. The connection there is much clearer but still I get reminders of them when they aren’t physically present.
I like collecting from people, it’s little reminders people are with me, whether in flesh or not.
Memory influences desires and interests which then influences identity and identity alters yourself.
Maybe call it a mask but the idea we all add up to each other in small or large ways is in some ways the basis of human experience.
Go back to the bar!